Miscarriage and Healing
In 1988, US President Ronald Reagan declared October as a month to recognize the unique grief of bereaved parents in an effort to demonstrate support to the many families who have suffered such a tragic loss. October 15th is the specific day we remember pregnancy and infant loss. The past 2 months I have been reflecting a lot on what my heart wants to share about this hard life topic. We miscarried our first child Labor Day weekend in 2013. September and October are months that I pause and reflect on our sweet baby girl who is now in Heaven. I pray for so many mommas who pause and reflect this month in remembrance also.
8 years ago, we lost our first baby at 10 1/2 weeks. It was the most devastating event I’ve ever gone through in my life. I only knew a couple of ladies who had gone through this same grief, and I talked with them a lot, and I’m grateful for the ladies who reached out to me, who I didn’t know had experienced this. It’s a different kind of grief, very personal and no grief journey is the same. I call my baby girl my stepping stone to so much emotional healing that I didn’t know existed. So much hope and love and freedom from trauma and past hurt and then her loss, too. Healing is so hard, and so beautiful, and so POSSIBLE!! 🙌💜Thankfully since 8 years ago, the once cultural stigma of not speaking about miscarriage or infant loss is breaking more and more each year. More of us mommas are speaking out, speaking our babies’ names, and offering love and support to those who join us on this road. 💜I now know literally hundreds of mommas who have angel babies in heaven now waiting for them. I have prayed and cried with, and loved on so many mommas. I pray God can use all of us to minister to others in this unique grief. If you’re reading this, and you have experienced this grief, but it’s been too hard to announce, and you don’t want to carry this sadness alone anymore...I’m letting you know, I’m here for you privately to pray with you and just listen. 💜 To those who haven’t experienced this loss, but want to know how to support women who have, I’ve included below a gentle reminder of words that are helpful over hurtful for this. 💜
I’d like to share my miscarriage healing testimony with you, to give you HOPE in your healing or for you to share with someone who has suffered this unique grief and needs HOPE…
We'd been using Young Living oils a little over a year for health cleansing and everyday basic uses physically. Then my husband and I were surprised to find out we were expecting our first child in the summer of 2013, due on March 25, 2014. The first Dr's appointment at 6 weeks was good. But the 10 week appointment ultrasound showed we had lost our baby. We were so devastated. I miscarried at home a few days later over Labor Day weekend at 10 1/2 weeks. I felt like I was living a nightmare. I went back to work after two weeks, but had a very hard time functioning in day to day activities. It was mentally exhausting for me to focus on a conversation or teach my 3rd grade students. During this time my husband was looking for another job to be able to support our family financially enough for me to quit teaching and focus on my health. He found out he did not get a hopeful position so again my emotions and thoughts spiraled even further down. Down so much that I felt nothing on all levels. I kept saying I felt like I was trapped in a black box with no door...no way out. I kept feeling like this everyday. Our marriage was also crumbling beneath us since the miscarriage, just co-living separately in the same house. I told my school principal I needed more time off work because mentally I just couldn't function...I felt like I was going to snap. So I took more time off work. I started getting counseling from a Christian friend/counselor who also had had two miscarriages so she could empathize with me. But she even said she couldn't 'speak to my emotions.’ I just wasn't getting any better. Every day I kept replaying the miscarriage days in my head. It's all I thought about. As hard as I tried I could not think positive. All were signs of post traumatic stress, which I did not know could happen after having a miscarriage. Ignorantly then, I thought only soldiers in combat went through that.
About 4 weeks after the miscarriage, my Texas friend Keely and I talked and she offered to help me do an emotional release. She had been using Young Living oils for a few years and had learned how to do a specific emotional release for trauma. When I saw my GYN doctor, I told her I wanted to try this emotional release with essential oils before getting on an antidepressant medicine because I’d been on Zoloft previously for 6-7 years during high school and college and had a very, very hard time with withdrawal symptoms and such when I weaned off of it in my mid-twenties. So Keely and I, along with both of our moms (I was so out of it, my mom offered the drive me to the meeting place), met at a midway point in Arkansas between east Texas and Memphis. I started the emotional release session saying how I felt nothing and trapped in a box with no door or windows, and I just so desperately wanted to be myself again. As I laid on the massage table and we applied oils and I said the positive affirmation statements and Bible verses out loud what Keely was telling me to say, I kept saying but I still can't find the door to get out of the black box. Keely said I would find it and kept telling me to say these specific verse over and over: “for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” 2 Timothy 1:7 and “…perfect love casts out fear.” 1 John 4:18
After applying several oils but mainly Trauma Life oil blend, Forgiveness oil blend, and Present Time oil blend, I just suddenly "woke up" in my mind—like a light switch turned back on!! I cried a lot and felt AMAZING RELIEF! When it was all over I can't describe how my mental and emotional state was just SO clear and peaceful! I felt like I was on cloud 20! I called my husband on the way home and he knew I was ME again! My mom and I had the best car ride home. She'd never seen me that peaceful and happy! I let go of many, many years of emotions I'd just been backpacking. I released more than just what I felt with the miscarriage. It was the best I have ever felt in my life!!! When I went back to my GYN doctor a few days later, she was absolutely shocked that I was in such a good mental and emotional place. I remember her saying she just couldn’t believe it—it was like I’d been on Zoloft med for 6 months already! She was so very happy for me! And as hard as I tried, I could not think of ONE negative thing for the next few MONTHS! It wasn't until about the beginning of December that I felt a little stressed again, just about life in general. So that emotional release lasted several months for me. A close friend of mine also had a miscarriage a couple of months later in November 2013. When she told me, a lot of feelings of sadness came back but I remembered some of the oils Keely had me apply during the release so I applied the ones I had on hand before I went to bed that night. I woke up the next morning emotionally stable again! To say that these oils have changed my life is an understatement. I knew these oils helped my family physically but I had no idea how they could help my emotional, mental, and spiritual state. The Sunday after the emotional release was AMAZING! I felt SO in harmony with the Lord and so much peace with Him!
I won't say that everyone will have the same results as me because everyone is different. I BELIEVED these oils were the answer, and I trusted the confidentiality of Keely and her mom Karen who assisted, and I was ready to release an incredibly heavy burden of guilt, disappointment, and grief! While I do have times of sadness certain times of the year that I miss our sweet baby like around the time of her due date each spring, it is not the deep-seated grief that I was in the black box mentality before the emotional release. It has never come back. It’s more like, just flipping through a magazine looking at my life like, oh that happened, but there’s no more trauma link to that miscarriage event. It is literally the most pivotal point in my life. I never knew so much emotional healing and freedom could exist! I’m so, so deeply grateful for God’s healing through His creation (plants —> essential oils!), prayer, scripture affirmation, and two dear friends who gave of their knowledge and talents and unselfishly sacrificed their day to help me!
This story has a happy ending...a few weeks later my husband got a job promotion, I quit teaching school, and we were able to spend time rebuilding our marriage and heal! God blessed us with another baby in 2014 and he is now 7 years old! I encourage everyone to do an emotional release with these oils! Sometimes there are many layers (like an onion) that need to be released so for some people it will take more than one emotional release for the trauma to be cleared. And that is okay! Everyone’s healing journey is different, but the Lord is always with us and desires us to be free from trauma to heal! ❤️ Please reach out to me you need someone to just listen and pray with you, and or if an emotional release is something you want to do and I will share the information with you! Grieving momma, know that you are seen and loved in your grieving and healing journey!
