Miscarriage and Healing

In 1988, US President Ronald Reagan declared October as a month to recognize the unique grief of bereaved parents in an effort to demonstrate support to the many families who have suffered such a tragic loss. October 15th is the specific day we remember pregnancy and infant loss. The past 2 months I have been reflecting a lot on what my heart wants to share about this hard life topic. We miscarried our first child Labor Day weekend in 2013. September and October are months that I pause and reflect on our sweet baby girl who is now in Heaven. I pray for so many mommas who pause and reflect this month in remembrance also.

8 years ago, we lost our first baby at 10 1/2 weeks. It was the most devastating event I’ve ever  gone through in my life. I only knew a couple of ladies who had gone through this same grief,  and I talked with them a lot, and I’m grateful for the ladies who reached out to me, who I didn’t  know had experienced this. It’s a different kind of grief, very  personal and no grief journey is the same. I call my baby girl my stepping stone to so much emotional healing that I didn’t know existed. So much hope and love and freedom from trauma and past hurt and then her loss, too. Healing is so hard, and so beautiful, and so POSSIBLE!! 🙌💜Thankfully since 8 years ago, the once cultural stigma of not speaking about miscarriage or infant loss is breaking more and more each year. More of us mommas are speaking out, speaking our babies’ names, and offering love and support to those who join us on this road. 💜I now know literally hundreds of mommas who have angel babies in heaven now waiting for  them. I have prayed and cried with, and loved on so many mommas. I pray God can use all of  us to minister to others in this unique grief. If you’re reading this, and you have experienced this  grief, but it’s been too hard to announce, and you don’t want to carry this sadness alone  anymore...I’m letting you know, I’m here for you privately to pray with you and just listen. 💜 To those who haven’t experienced this loss, but want to know how to support women who have, I’ve included below a gentle reminder of words that are helpful over hurtful for this. 💜

I’d like to share my miscarriage healing testimony with you, to give you HOPE in your healing or  for you to share with someone who has suffered this unique grief and needs HOPE…  

We'd been using Young Living oils a little over a year for health cleansing and everyday basic  uses physically. Then my husband and I were surprised to find out we were expecting our first  child in the summer of 2013, due on March 25, 2014. The first Dr's appointment at 6 weeks was  good. But the 10 week appointment ultrasound showed we had lost our baby. We were so  devastated. I miscarried at home a few days later over Labor Day weekend at 10 1/2 weeks. I  felt like I was living a nightmare. I went back to work after two weeks, but had a very hard time functioning in day to day activities. It was mentally exhausting for me to focus on a conversation  or teach my 3rd grade students. During this time my husband was looking for another job to be  able to support our family financially enough for me to quit teaching and focus on my health. He found out he did not get a hopeful position so again my emotions and thoughts spiraled even  further down. Down so much that I felt nothing on all levels. I kept saying I felt like I was trapped  in a black box with no door...no way out. I kept feeling like this everyday. Our marriage was also  crumbling beneath us since the miscarriage, just co-living separately in the same house. I told  my school principal I needed more time off work because mentally I just couldn't function...I felt  like I was going to snap. So I took more time off work. I started getting counseling from a  Christian friend/counselor who also had had two miscarriages so she could empathize with me.  But she even said she couldn't 'speak to my emotions.’ I just wasn't getting any better. Every  day I kept replaying the miscarriage days in my head. It's all I thought about. As hard as I tried I  could not think positive. All were signs of post traumatic stress, which I did not know could  happen after having a miscarriage. Ignorantly then, I thought only soldiers in combat went  through that.  

About 4 weeks after the miscarriage, my Texas friend Keely and I talked and she offered to help  me do an emotional release. She had been using Young Living oils for a few years and had  learned how to do a specific emotional release for trauma. When I saw my GYN doctor, I told  her I wanted to try this emotional release with essential oils before getting on an antidepressant  medicine because I’d been on Zoloft previously for 6-7 years during high school and college and  had a very, very hard time with withdrawal symptoms and such when I weaned off of it in my  mid-twenties. So Keely and I, along with both of our moms (I was so out of it, my mom offered  the drive me to the meeting place), met at a midway point in Arkansas between east Texas and  Memphis. I started the emotional release session saying how I felt nothing and trapped in a box  with no door or windows, and I just so desperately wanted to be myself again. As I laid on the  massage table and we applied oils and I said the positive affirmation statements and Bible  verses out loud what Keely was telling me to say, I kept saying but I still can't find the door to get  out of the black box. Keely said I would find it and kept telling me to say these specific verse  over and over: “for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” 2  Timothy 1:7 and “…perfect love casts out fear.” 1 John 4:18 

After applying several oils but mainly Trauma Life oil blend, Forgiveness oil blend, and Present  Time oil blend, I just suddenly "woke up" in my mind—like a light switch turned back on!! I cried a lot and felt AMAZING RELIEF! When it was all over I can't describe how my mental and  emotional state was just SO clear and peaceful! I felt like I was on cloud 20! I called my  husband on the way home and he knew I was ME again! My mom and I had the best car ride home. She'd never seen me that peaceful and happy! I let go of many, many years of emotions  I'd just been backpacking. I released more than just what I felt with the miscarriage. It was the  best I have ever felt in my life!!! When I went back to my GYN doctor a few days later, she was  absolutely shocked that I was in such a good mental and emotional place. I remember her  saying she just couldn’t believe it—it was like I’d been on Zoloft med for 6 months already! She  was so very happy for me! And as hard as I tried, I could not think of ONE negative thing for the  next few MONTHS! It wasn't until about the beginning of December that I felt a little stressed  again, just about life in general. So that emotional release lasted several months for me. A close  friend of mine also had a miscarriage a couple of months later in November 2013. When she  told me, a lot of feelings of sadness came back but I remembered some of the oils Keely had  me apply during the release so I applied the ones I had on hand before I went to bed that night.  I woke up the next morning emotionally stable again! To say that these oils have changed my  life is an understatement. I knew these oils helped my family physically but I had no idea how  they could help my emotional, mental, and spiritual state. The Sunday after the emotional release was AMAZING! I felt SO in harmony with the Lord and so much peace with Him!  

I won't say that everyone will have the same results as me because everyone is different. I BELIEVED these oils were the answer, and I trusted the confidentiality of Keely and her mom Karen who assisted, and I was ready to release an incredibly heavy burden of guilt, disappointment, and grief! While I do have times of sadness certain times of the year that I miss our sweet baby like around the time of her due date each spring, it is not the deep-seated grief  that I was in the black box mentality before the emotional release. It has never come back. It’s  more like, just flipping through a magazine looking at my life like, oh that happened, but there’s  no more trauma link to that miscarriage event. It is literally the most pivotal point in my life. I  never knew so much emotional healing and freedom could exist! I’m so, so deeply grateful for  God’s healing through His creation (plants —> essential oils!), prayer, scripture affirmation, and  two dear friends who gave of their knowledge and talents and unselfishly sacrificed their day to  help me!  

This story has a happy ending...a few weeks later my husband got a job promotion, I quit  teaching school, and we were able to spend time rebuilding our marriage and heal! God blessed  us with another baby in 2014 and he is now 7 years old! I encourage everyone to do an emotional release with these oils! Sometimes there are many layers (like an  onion) that need to be released so for some people it will take more than one emotional release for the trauma to be cleared. And that is okay! Everyone’s healing journey is different, but the Lord is always with us and desires us to be free from trauma to heal! ❤️ Please reach out to me you need someone to just listen and pray with you, and or if an emotional release is something you want to do and I will share the information with you! Grieving momma, know that you are seen and loved in your grieving and healing journey!

Ansley Tingle

Marriage through the Struggles

I wrote this on on our 11th anniversary in November of 2019–the hardest year of our life.

I shared it on social media, but felt like our first blog post for our Marriage page needed to be this! We hope it encourages you and stirs up a strong grit to fight for your marriage, pray for your spouse, and do the hard work together! ️ There ARE rainbows after walking through fire together! We give God all of the glory in our journey!

11 years. ️️

11 years of marriage with my soulmate. My best friend. ️

We just watched our wedding video. We laughed a little seeing how much different we are now (thankfully!), and what those vows of “for better or worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health” truly meant. We had no clue what the next 11 years would bring. The longer we are married I’m confident that with each anniversary that is celebrated each spouse chooses to stay and love each day. And that EVERY marriage goes through mountains and valleys! Some longer, taller, or deeper than others.

The longer we are married I’m seeing our friends the same age, older or younger, celebrate their anniversaries and I applaud you!!! And sadly, many who are no longer married. I know so many of my friends who have done the hard work and tried to make their marriage work and yet the other spouse walked away. Makes my heart so sad. If you’re a spouse that worked hard, I applaud you too!Please hear me, as this is something I feel God is stirring up in our hearts to share in a humble voice, not prideful. William and I both could have walked away from our marriage more than once. Satan has tried to steal, kill, and destroy our marriage and family just like he has tried to do with sooo many others! He doesn’t want us BOTH to choose to make each other a priority. He wants us to get DISTRACTED with our busy lives. He wants us to be selfish of our own desires first. For grief to cause division. For unrealistic expectations to show a perfect family. For resentment and anger to build up instead of surrendering and forgiving for grace and love to take it’s place.

What I’ve learned from a wise friend is if you aren’t INTENTIONALLY feeding your marriage then you’re feeding your divorce! Choose to intentionally feed your marriage! What does that look like? I think it’s different for every couple’s needs. But one thing in common is intentionally growing closer to the Lord individually and together daily. Praying for each other specifically. This is something I haven’t done on the regular until I read the chapter in Priscilla Shirer’s book Fervent about praying for our husband and children. Prayer is powerful! And is the BEST tool against Satan attacking us!

My sweet friend La’Nette shared this list today of how we can pray for our husbands!

Here are 10 Ways You Can Pray For Your Husband:

(PS–I recommend you insert your husbands name as well... make your prayers personal! Get detailed with God)

♥️I pray for my husband’s relationship with God.

♥️I pray that my husband would have a soft heart toward God.

♥️I pray that God would bless my husband.

♥️I pray for my husband to be a devoted spiritual leader for our family.

♥️I pray for my husband to have a heart for our children.

♥️I pray for my husband to make wise choices.

♥️I pray for my husband’s emotional, mental and physical health.

♥️I pray for my husband to flourish at work.

♥️I pray for my husband’s strength to resist sexual temptation.

♥️I pray that I will show my husband respect, grace and kindness.

William isn’t on social media any more, but I still want to publicly say how much I love him and how proud I am of him!! For two years now he has stepped up to be the most amazing husband and dad for me and Koen! I’ll share more of our story later, but I’m just so deeply grateful for all of his unconditional love, selfless care, patience, and most importantly how he has become a STRONG Christian leader for our family and has learned what it means to pray hard for and over us! ️️️ He took today off work to spend the day with me and Koen and made us the yummiest Italian wedding soup for our anniversary meal tonight! I am so, so blessed! We are both imperfect but perfect for each other! ️

How are you intentionally feeding your marriage today? ️